Train Species

Travelling by local trains in Mumbai can be quite an experience at times. Right from the panwalla to the regular office goer, everyone commutes by train. A lot of stray incidents are witnessed in this mode of transport. Here’s a look at the various namunas who travel by the Lifeline of Mumbai.

The sleeping giant: this guy always occupies the window seat. Normaly a fat man with a briefcase on his lap and mobile in his pocket. His destination is normally the last station so he can take a nice nap and complete his overnight sleep without disturbing anyone.

Einstein ki aulad: no matter how crowded the train is, this person manages to squeeze in place to open his newspaper full strech. He flips through the pages every 2 minutes proudly as if to show he is the most educated gentleman in the compartment. As soon as he is done, he gets down at the next station teaching everyone how to make the best use of the little time available.

The jhagdalu type: this guy cannot bear ‘shanti’ in the compartment. As soon as someone even slightly gives him a push due to the overcrowding, he starts activating his vocal chords. Bad words galore, abbe saale dhaka kyon marta hain dikhai nahin deta kyan @ # $ % *……. If the other person is a darpook he will say sorry and move away, but if he comes across someone with similar species, it will be quite a scene and can end up in WWE style with around 50 commuters acting as referees.

The cornered tiger: this lukha knows, he cannot push through the crowd and get down at his desired location due to his physical disabilities. So he decides to stick himself to the corner right next to the door so that he doesn’t cause any obstruction to the ones entering and alighting. Looking at him one is reminded of the fevicol punchline. “fevicol ka jod hain tootega nahin.

The Big Red Machine: he stands behind the person who is latkofying on the door. Every 2 seconds he pops out his head and spits red venom (pan) out of his machine (mouth) irritating the person on the door. At times the residue falls on the pants of the ones hanging on the door and this can certainly increase the decibel levels in the compartment.

The lost world: he is one who normally occupies the middle seats. With mouth and eyes both wide open the flies and insects feed on this person getting into his digestive system and getting out whatever is left undigested before the person realizes what has happened
Nothing in the compartment seems to affect him in any way. His mantra in life is Main aur meri tanhayi bas.

Meri madat karo: this poor guy has just come to Bombay and is traveling by local train for the first time. Seeing the bheed-bhad he is very anxious as to whether he would be able to alight at his required destination. Beware if u r the person standing next to him. A barrage of question will be thrown at u. station kab aayega, sytation kaunse side aayega, kitne der bad ayega , yeh kaunsa station hain..etc etc